Optimizing is Good for AI, but Not for Humans
As I have said repeatedly, AI optimizes for success. For AI, there is no defeat, and it does not learn from its mistakes. AI only wins — so, it will always favor vanquishing the “other side.”
For humans, there is a lot of to learn from our defeat and failure, and from our mistakes and limitations. For example, we need the “other side” in order to understand ourselves and we can change and develop through conflict. We do not need to optimize success in order to expand our awareness.
But when we long for Looks-Maxx, Health-Maxx and Love-Maxx, we continue to suffer from a delusion of optimization and expectation…and that’s also human.
Over the past several weeks, I have been writing about what I call AI love sickness—our very human tendency to project understanding, friendship, memory, and even love, onto systems that possess no subjectivity of their own. I believe this is one of the defining psychological challenges of our time and it raises the larger question:
How do we retain our full humanity in an age devoted to optimization?
That question is the foundation of my new course, Being Human: Learn to Live Wisely, Love Well, and Lead Confidently.
The course is not about rejecting AI or withdrawing from the advantages of tech. It is about cultivating the uniquely human capacities that no technology can replace: self-awareness, emotional maturity, genuine dialogue, learning from failure, accepting our limitations, and discovering wisdom within them.
If these questions are alive for you, I hope you'll begin by reading this week's Substack essay.
Then, if you find yourself wanting to go further—not simply thinking about these ideas but practicing them with others—I hope you'll join us in Being Human.
We need one another now more than ever.
With gratitude for all you do,
Polly Young-Eisendrath, PhD
Founder, Center for Real Dialogue
Read the essay. Join the conversation. Become more fully human.
→ Read this week's free Substack:
Being Human
An Operator's Manual for Living Wisely, Loving Well, and Leading Confidently
Six Live Online Sessions with Polly Young-Eisendrath, PhD
Begins Tuesday, September 8, 2026 • 1:00 PM ET
Every day we are encouraged to become more productive, more successful, more efficient, and more attractive.
But becoming wise and confident as a human being requires something quite different.
It asks us to know ourselves authentically, to speak and listen responsibly, to remain curious in the face of disagreement, and to discover wisdom and self-confidence through the inevitable defeats, failures, and losses that every meaningful life contains.
In Being Human, I will teach what I have come to think of as an operator's manual for being human—a practical guide for understanding ourselves, cultivating closer relationships, and learning how to flourish and to lead in a world filled with uncertainty, conflict, rapid technological change, and new kinds of opportunity.
Together we will explore the principles and practices of Real Dialogue and discover how greater self-awareness can help us:
Cultivate greater wisdom and resilience.
Love with more openness, honesty, and compassion.
Lead with confidence, humility, and integrity.
Navigate conflict without dehumanizing ourselves or others.
Learn from mistakes instead of fearing them.
Develop the uniquely human capacities that no artificial intelligence can ever reach.
Whether you are a therapist, coach, educator, leader, spiritual seeker, or simply someone who wants to live with greater wisdom, this course offers practical tools that can change the way you experience yourself and others.
I would be honored to welcome you.
Warmly,
Polly Young-Eisendrath, PhD
Executive Director, Center for Real Dialogue
Begins Tuesday, September 8, 2026
Together, we'll explore the capacities that no machine can replace—and practice them in real dialogue with one another.
Continue the Conversation
Whether you're looking for thoughtful writing, personal growth, continuing education, or advanced clinical training, we hope you'll find something here that supports your own journey toward greater wisdom, self-awareness, and genuine dialogue.
Thank you for joining us. We look forward to learning with you.